“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.” – Nora Roberts

I recently posted a video blog called Five Steps for Taking Control of Your Life. I discussed five steps for reclaiming ownership of your life. By ownership, I mean being in control of how you interact and greet life’s struggles. We’re not always in control of how life responds, but we can master how we react to it by working with the energy.

Dan Millman in his book Way of the Peaceful Warrior reminds us that “once you have released the arrow from the bow, it’s only a matter of waiting in anticipation as to where it’ll land.” While we have control over certain elements of casting the arrow, we have little control as to where it will land.

This metaphor is a reminder that we are co-creators in the universe, yet we ultimately surrender control to a greater power which takes care of the details. You might call it fate, destiny, pre-determinism or otherwise.

Recapping those five points from the video, let’s delve into them a little closer. It’s important that you take action on these principles. You must embody the teachings, learning’s or lessons at the cellular level.

It’s essential to have a memory with an emotional engagement of living the principle and owning it.

1.    Firstly, inhabit your body. Be present by owning your thoughts and emotions. You are the director and producer of your movie called LIFE.

When I talk about being in your body, I am referring to a state of ownership and connection with your mind and body. I am talking about being present and grounded. When you’re in your body you don’t need drugs or external substances to create an ideal physical state. Being in your body means honouring your natural gene expression as nature intended.

You are in charge of your thoughts and emotions. Don’t blame others for the way they treat you. It is said that we coach others on how to treat us. If you’re continually playing the victim role which says “he/she is responsible for the way I acted or feel” then you’re depriving yourself of your potential to enjoy life. You are giving your power to others. When you surrender your power to others they will use it according to their level of awareness – ultimately backfiring on you.

2.    Release your past mistakes and regrets NOW. The past is in your mind, so let it go, no matter what. The present is waiting to take you into the future.

What’s happened in the past resides as a memory in your mind. To continually replay the past and bring it into the present moment is not conducive to living a rich and abundant life. You are held captive by your thoughts and emotions. These thoughts and emotions create a kaleidoscope of chemical reactions within your body which turn on/off genes toward your health destiny.

Releasing the past means making peace with what happened then and learning from the wisdom gained. It means bringing love to the process by letting go of hurt or anger toward the experience. The lesson was a part of your soul’s journey toward experiencing personal growth.

The present moment contains the seed of opportunity to take you into the future. If you’re continually re-living the past in your mind and verbally, you’re denying the future from taking place. Your mind cannot dwell in two places at the same time. It cannot live with past regrets and strive toward future happiness. You must let go of one to open the door to the other. The energy required to live in the past is lost on opportunities waiting to take you into the future.

3.    Get out of your own way. Be ready and willing to accept what shows up in your life. Roll with the punches. Take what IS and run with it.

Get out of your own way means let go of the resistance you bring to each moment. If you’re resisting life, you’re blocking the goodness that is your birth right. Many struggle with this concept of the universe working in their favour, since they focus on the negative aspects of events.

Your perception creates and colours your reality. What you focus and dwell upon becomes your focal point; irrespective of whether it’s good or bad. When you get out of your own way, you accept what shows up as a valuable lesson. Your lesson is the experience you’re having right NOW. Like it or hate it, the universe brings you this experience for your personal growth.

How you respond to the experience is your lesson. Your lesson may not be packaged as you might expect. For example if the universe wants you to learn the value of friendship, it might send you a close friend whom you continually clash with. We are given the opposite of what we expect the lesson to be.

The boxing metaphor of rolling with the punches means to accept what shows up as a valuable lesson and work with it. Wisdom has taught me when I don’t engage in the lesson, I’ll be given a new one disguised in different form. So get it right the first time!

4.    Don’t waste energy in things, people or events which don’t matter. If it doesn’t FEEL right, let it go. Think with your heart!

One of my favourite quotes by Dave Ramsey tells us that “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.”  Can you identify with this statement?

It takes courage to go against the crowd and stand up for something different. People will knock you down. They’ll advise you you’re wrong or you can’t achieve something. Don’t waste time validating yourself and succumbing to this way of being. The energy required to validate yourself is one of resistance and is futile.

Pursue that which brings you joy. Let things and people go out of your life in order to usher in the new. Think with your heart asks you to FEEL the world instead of THINK of the world. Connect with your feelings more often and I don’t mean in a mushy kind of way – rather feel your way toward a fulfilling job, career, relationship, life etc.

5.    Practice consistent persistence. Be unrelenting. Don’t accept NO for an answer. Know when to back down and when to advance forward. Create YOUR set of rules.

Be consistent in your pursuits. If you desire to be the best guitarist in your region then practice daily or as Malcolm Gladwell advises in Outliers – adopt the 10,000 hour rule in order to be world class.

Don’t give up when you see the slightest hint of failure. You are continually being tested. You will be given harder challenges along the way, each time you conquer a new one.

Don’t accept no for an answer toward achieving what you desire. Find a way; create a path if none exists.

Knowing when it is futile is equally important. Sometimes you might have to do an about face and move in a new direction. There’s nothing wrong with that. Life may move you toward something which seems futile to give you a valuable skill to use in another area.

Doing a U-turn is a blessing in disguise. It’s only upon reflection and with the passing of time that we see the value of the experience.

Get moving and create the life you deserve. Start small and enjoy the process. Be inspired, not motivated. Inspired people create beauty with less effort and much reward.

Create the life you dared possible. It exists on the other side of your fears, doubts and anxieties – so be bold and approach life with vigour and enthusiasm.

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Tony Fahkry

Expert Life Coach