Problems Are Gifts In Disguise
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”– Buddha
I’d like to take you on a journey into yourself, to the part you haven’t learned to love. Why am I qualified to write about this, let alone believe you need self-love? Reflect on a time where you experienced negative emotions such as anger, frustration, fear or worry? If you’re overwhelmed by these emotions, take some time to show yourself some much-needed love. This is not a condescending statement, intended to make you feel small. Disempowering emotions are a sign you need to take notice of the aspects of yourself you’ve been ignoring.
For example, recall when another person wrongfully accused you of something and the insult seared itself into your memory. Perhaps you retaliated in anger and inflamed the situation, experiencing a flood of toxic emotions. I use the words toxic and disempowering to describe lower emotional states, in contrast to emotions of a higher frequency, such as love, peace, joy, etc. The challenges you face can be seen as an opportunity to come back to yourself and remember your worth.
Reconnecting with your inner self requires immersing yourself in a deep journey of self-discovery. It requires rediscovering the parts of yourself you have long forgotten. You will recognise this part of you when you let go of the beliefs, ideas, and stories you believe to be true. As soon as you catch a glimpse of your authentic self, you will know it is true. Often, people come into your life to awaken you to your greater self. They are a gift bearing life lessons and experiences you didn’t know you needed until that time. They won’t appear in the form you expect, however, they will force you to examine the fragmented parts you’ve dissociated with.
What Others Think of You Is Not About You
“When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits—anything that kept me small. My judgement called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.”– Kim McMillen
Years ago, I had a meaningful experience that allowed me to feel the forgotten parts of myself come alive. I had a friend whom I’d known for many years, yet there was a point in our friendship where he constantly criticised me for my life choices. The constant criticism had caused so much tension between us I was ready to walk away from the friendship. However, looking back, I realise my friend was a gift in a form I didn’t recognise. He forced me to look deep within myself and heal the part of me I was at war with.
His criticism easily offended me and felt justified because of the hurt I experienced. I failed to comprehend the negative emotions I experienced were actually a call for me to love and embrace all of my broken parts. On some level, I recognised the truth in his criticism, which was why it stung so deeply. Have you noticed when somebody assumes something about you that is obviously not true, you don’t feel hurt because it is so foolish? Therefore, as you meld your broken pieces together, you feel a deep sense of harmony in your being.
Emerge From Your Sleep
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”– Thich Nhat Hanh
When you are judged by another person, they also possess that quality you are being judged for. If you are insulted, you are identifying with the judgement and must heal that part of yourself. So when others point the finger at you, it is symbolic of directing you back to yourself. It may not seem that way because your ego is inflamed. If you take a moment to clear your mind and observe your true feelings, you’ll recognise the same judgement being passed on you is also residing within you. Your accusers may appear like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, yet they are a gift because they force you to come home to yourself, instead of identifying with your unintegrated parts. If it hurts to hear what they are accusing you of, it means you are not seeing how that quality can help you awaken from your sleep.
You’re invited to abandon your judgement and embrace the parts of you that feel wounded, enraged, deceived, or let down. I’m not suggesting their accusations shouldn’t upset you because this would be insensitive of me. I’m inviting you to feel the pain and look deep within yourself to heal the part of you that is irritated by the pain. It was the Buddha who said: “Painful feelings arose, but they did not invade my mind and remain.” Part of you wants to come home to your core self. This part is the integration of all that you are and will ever be. It is awaiting your return when you let go of the storyline the ego espouses. The process of awakening and enlightenment requires seeing past the falsehoods of the ego and reuniting with the wholeness of your core nature.
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
