Life Is A Process, Not An Event
“I’ve come to trust not that events will always unfold exactly as I want but that I will be fine either way. The challenges we face are always lessons that serve our soul’s growth.”—Marianne Williamson.
Have you ever met someone completely fearless? Probably not. Fear is universal, yet few of us truly confront our deepest fears. What are yours? Are you even aware of them? Imagine living without the chains of fear, trusting that every outcome is perfectly designed for your growth. This reminds me of a powerful story by spiritual teacher and psychotherapist Anthony de Mello, who teaches that while fear can protect us, it can also imprison us, keeping us stuck in a state of insecurity. However, fear is not inherently bad. It can be a powerful motivator, pushing us out of our comfort zones and toward personal growth. The key is to not let fear control us, but to acknowledge it, understand its root cause, and use it as a tool for self-improvement.
“How shall I rid myself of fear?”
“How can you rid yourself of what you cling to?”
“You mean I cling to my fears? I’m afraid I have to disagree.”
“Consider what your fear protects you from, and you will agree! And you will see your folly.”
Most fears relate to financial matters, safety and security, relationships, or careers. It is natural to entertain these fears, though when they impose on our way of life, we are at the mercy of succumbing to them. This is when we stop living because our fears are dictating us. Allow me to explain what I mean since it may be misunderstood. Everything that happens to us has a larger purpose in our lives. I am not invoking God or religion but suggesting a greater plan is in order, which may not be apparent at the time of the event. Looking back on our lives, we may notice that every event combines to create the rich tapestry of our life’s narrative. Because we experience life, it may feel as though our challenges are permanent. However, we do not see the entire picture unfold because we are absorbed in the drama and miss seeing how it can lead to something greater.
Are you comfortable with this so far? I hope so because it’s worth acknowledging that life is a process, not an event. Now, sometimes terrible accidents occur where people lose loved ones, and we might ask how this is a perfect outcome. That is, how is the loss of someone to illness, especially a young child, considered an ideal outcome? These are reasonable questions that have plagued humanity for centuries. I don’t know why these events occur and why some people survive, and others don’t. This dilemma has perplexed philosophers for ages, and it’s widely debated whether there’s an all-powerful and all-seeing source presiding over our lives. For now, let’s consider something not as catastrophic. In these instances, more may develop to unravel the story. Namely, something good can arise from a seemingly undesirable situation if we are attentive and do not consider the worst scenario.
Every Outcome Serves A Greater Purpose
“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” — Aristotle. This freedom, this liberation from the shackles of fear, is a powerful transformation that can be yours. It’s not about living a life devoid of challenges, but about facing them with courage and trust in the greater purpose they serve.
I’ve witnessed this in my life and those I’ve coached. Unfortunate or unforeseen events may be a tremendous blessing if we wait patiently for the picture to unravel. For example, I recall working with a client whose fiancée called off their wedding at the last minute after they dated for years. The experience was heartbreaking since he never expected it, especially from his betrothed. After he recovered from the tragedy, he moved abroad for work, where he enjoyed a wonderful time in his new surroundings. He met a beautiful woman and dated for a while before proposing to her and married soon after. He later mentioned that his previous breakup was the best thing to happen because it forced him to move to a foreign country and meet what he described as the love of his life. Similarly, another coaching client lost his job, which initially seemed like a disaster. However, this event pushed him to pursue his passion, and he eventually started his own successful business. Had he been caught up in a destructive pattern of self-pity, he would have never taken the chance and started his own business.
How about you? Have you had similar experiences in your own life? While it may not be relationship-related, think about those experiences that seemed hopeless yet turned out to be the best thing to happen as time passed. To live without fear, we ought to trust that every outcome will serve a greater purpose. Sometimes, the answer may not come immediately because it involves going on a journey to discover it. It is why I am drawn to the message by author Don Miguel Ruiz, who writes in The Three Questions: How to Discover and Master the Power Within You how our irrational fears have a way of shaping our reality if we succumb to them: “Fear has had a big effect on the way we learned to view the world. Physical fear is natural and essential to survival, but it’s important to remember that irrational fear is not. It is irrational to be afraid of what doesn’t exist. It can cause actual harm. And yet, we’ve learned to let irrational fear shape our reality. We’ve learned to react emotionally in ways that other people do and to fear what we only imagine.” To overcome fear, it’s important to acknowledge it, understand its root cause, and take small steps toward facing it. This can be done through self-reflection, seeking support from others, and practicing self-compassion.
As we reach the end of this journey, it’s clear that life is less about the events that happen to us and more about how we navigate the process. Just as fear is a universal experience, so too are the challenges we face along the way. These moments, however daunting, are not meant to paralyze us but move us toward growth and transformation. Like my client’s story, who turned heartbreak into a new beginning, our greatest challenges often lead to our most significant breakthroughs if we allow them to. The key is to trust that every outcome serves a greater purpose, no matter how unexpected or painful. In doing so, we free ourselves from the grip of fear and embrace the journey with open hearts, knowing that even in the darkest moments, we are moving towards something greater.
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
Are you ready to transform your life and unlock your potential? Start your journey with me today! My Life Coaching Program has empowered many to achieve lasting change. Schedule your FREE 30-minute consultation now and take the first step towards a brighter, more confident you.
Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
