The Power of Response: Transforming Pain into Growth
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl.
The space between pain and suffering holds your greatest power. This is the essence of what Viktor Frankl conveyed after surviving the unimaginable horrors of Nazi concentration camps. His words weren’t just theory but wisdom gained from blood and loss. When agony arrives, most of us unconsciously erect a defense around our wounds to protect ourselves, thus minimizing our potential. Suffering doesn’t arise from pain itself but from the story we attach to it: this shouldn’t be happening, that it will never end, that we are diminished by it. What would change if you recognized that your response to pain determines whether you become its victim or a recipient of its transformation?
Pain and suffering needn’t coexist to affect the quality of your life. Your response is measured by how you internalize undesirable events. We all experience pain, as evidenced by the atrocities and violence in the world nowadays. It is broadcast into our living rooms and on social media moments after it occurs. It’s no surprise that we live in uncertain times. Yet, you have a choice whether to buy into the fear or connect with the wisdom of your heart. The latter is challenging, though not impossible, especially when inundated by distressing news events. While you may consider it naïve that suffering is not a measure of pain, consider how Victor Frankl proved it’s possible to transcend suffering. He even showed forgiveness and empathy towards his aggressors, thus minimizing his suffering.
What is evident here is that suffering will depend on the meaning we assign to painful events. Consider the pain of a thirty-year marriage suddenly devastated by infidelity; can suffering be dismissed in this instance? Both people will experience pain at the demise of the marriage, but the extent to which they remain trapped in their suffering is within their control. Grieving is a natural response; however, with time, opening ourselves to love and healing can ease our suffering.
Embracing Suffering: A Path to Healing and Self-Transformation
“The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt.” — Thomas Merton.
Here’s the good news and the bad news: everyone suffers. I’m reminded of people who lose their children, husbands, or wives to devastating circumstances and transform their pain from victims to empowered individuals. In other words, you can stay mired in your circumstances or transform your suffering into a healing agent. I’m not suggesting it is easy to use your pain to heal or move forward. It might take longer than you expect, but the key message is that you control the narrative, not the pain and certainly not the suffering. Does this perspective ring true with you? If this message resonates with you, take a moment to reflect on how it applies to your life.
Healing begins the moment we acknowledge our pain rather than suppress it, even when it feels unnatural to us. I know this goes against every human instinct because pain is often an unwelcome teacher. Yet, how will you enjoy happiness without the contrast of pain? How would you enjoy spring and summer if it were not for the darkness of winter? Pain does not last forever; yet, if you cling to the suffering, it takes longer to move through you. The work of brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor suggests that the average lifespan of an emotion as it moves through the nervous system is approximately one and a half minutes. Knowing this releases the burden of holding onto our emotional attachments longer than necessary. Pain can be a powerful teacher if you allow it to pass through you. Therefore, I invite you to let go of the mental story that accompanies your situation. By this, I mean avoiding the attempt to find deeper meaning behind the problem. Allow the meaning to arise naturally over time, and you will know when its time has come because it will be as clear as day to you.
Personal growth is not a clear choice amid suffering. It’s the last thing on your mind, as your primary aim is to alleviate your suffering. Sometimes, life decides on your behalf by compelling you to evolve rather than punishing you for past transgressions. Rather, it strengthens your commitment to honor your deepest self in the face of adversity. If you push away the pain, you invite more suffering because you expect the future to be better than what’s taking place now. The future isn’t set in stone because it changes as our relationship with the past evolves in the present. Therefore, you have a choice to transform your relationship with pain. The next time you face hardship, resist the urge to resist it or run from it. Instead, pause for a moment. Feel the full intensity of the emotion, knowing it will pass within moments, not your entire lifetime as your mind would lead you to believe. See if you can cultivate gratitude, even when life feels difficult, as this practice can shift your brain from a state of stress to one of peace in an instant. Ask yourself: “What is this pain trying to teach me?” Listen with an open heart to what arises.
Considering this, identify one insight gained from a recent challenge you’ve faced. Share your journey with someone who needs to hear your story since your transformation can become a catalyst for theirs. Remember, you were not intended to remain a victim of your circumstances but to emerge as the architect of your response. Will you continue to resist your suffering, or will you allow yourself to move through it? The choice remains yours. Your path from pain to power begins with your next response—what will it be?
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
