The Psychological Roots of Justification
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” — Carl Rogers.
Picture this: you repeatedly explain why you missed a deadline or showed up late to work, feeling uncomfortable each time. But what if these justifications are doing more than protecting you from embarrassment? What if they’re keeping you stuck? They are a form of self-defense, a way to shield yourself from discomfort, fear, or insecurity. At its core, justifying is about protecting your self-image, deflecting responsibility, and avoiding blame. This article will explore how to break free from the cycle of justification and help you discover empowerment and personal growth.
According to psychological theory, Cognitive dissonance is the tension we feel when our actions don’t align with our beliefs. Imagine telling yourself that you value punctuality, yet you habitually arrive late. To resolve this discomfort, you justify the lateness by blaming external factors such as traffic or the weather rather than examining your choices. In other words, we try to justify our behavior to alleviate our tension. The fear of being judged or criticized is why we need to explain our actions to protect our self-worth. It is about the need for approval or the pressure to conform to others’ expectations to avoid dissatisfaction. Think about this in the context of your own life. Have you found yourself justifying your actions to appease others, whether it involved family members, friends, or your employer? How does it make you feel? Reflect on your answers as I outline how to take charge of your actions over the coming paragraphs.
How Justifications Keep You Stuck
“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.” — Jean Vanier.
Justifications keep us trapped in our comfort zones since they prevent us from taking risks that can lead to personal growth. Consider a friend who constantly blames their boss for missed deadlines. While this may temporarily calm their anxiety, it prevents them from reflecting on how they could better manage their time. This highlights the importance of whether we hide behind our excuses or take ownership of our actions. Excuses are a form of deflection while taking ownership is about accepting responsibility and using it as a foundation for personal growth. Sometimes, justifications may lead to missed opportunities because they prevent us from analyzing our mistakes, thus minimizing our chance to improve. I’m not suggesting justification is unwarranted in some instances because it may be. I’m saying that if we are constantly making excuses to justify our actions to appease others, it requires searching within ourselves to find the root cause of it.
Justifying has an emotional cost, which can erode our self-esteem. When we repeatedly make excuses, we reinforce a sense of inadequacy and guilt, weakening our self-confidence. We communicate our imperfections to ourselves and minimize our self-worth, so others approve of us. Take, for example, Amanda. Whenever she is late for a meeting, she explains it by blaming traffic or a long line at the coffee shop. Over time, her colleagues grow frustrated, sensing she’s deflecting responsibility. More importantly, Amanda begins to feel like she’s failing, thus damaging her self-confidence. Similarly, justifications can hinder our relationships since they may lead to distrust and communication breakdowns. Think about this with people you know who constantly justify themselves. This individual may have a sense of mistrust and lack of authenticity because they try to conceal their mistakes or hide behind their excuses. Justifications may seem to work temporarily; however, if we continue to hide behind our excuses, we are prone to carry unresolved guilt, which creates emotional strain and anxiety. How are these ideas resonating with you so far? Do you see yourself in any of the examples we’ve discussed?
So, what is the antidote to shift from justifying to owning our actions? Firstly, we should acknowledge our fears by understanding and admitting the underlying insecurities that drive our justifications. Irrespective of whether it’s the fear of failure, rejection, or judgment, acknowledging these fears is the first step toward change. Secondly, it requires personal accountability, which means taking ownership of our decisions and actions, even in the face of mistakes, since this fosters resilience and growth. Finally, by embracing vulnerability and owning our actions, we admit our imperfections and understand they are part of the human condition. That is to say, vulnerability can strengthen our character while building trust in our relationships.
Consider the following practical strategies for owning our actions.
- Mindful Reflection: We can pause and reflect on our actions and decisions instead of resorting to our default justification response. Mindfulness can help us recognize when we are about to justify ourselves and instead pivot towards ownership.
- Change the Narrative: We can learn to reframe situations differently by coming from a place of self-empowerment instead of justification. For instance, instead of saying: “I was late because of traffic,” we might say: “I didn’t leave early enough to account for the unexpected traffic. I will plan better next time.”
- Apologize Without Excuses: We can apologize sincerely without justifying or deflecting responsibility. This builds stronger relationships with others and promotes respect. For instance, you might say, “I’m sorry for being late on this occasion. I will do better next time.”
- Develop a Growth Mindset: We can move past self-blame or hide behind our excuses by developing a Growth mindset, where our mistakes are seen as opportunities for growth and learning. This way, we change the narrative and take ownership of our behavior.
Empowerment Through Ownership
“Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome.” — Booker T. Washington.
The empowering benefit of owning our actions includes increased self-respect since the most important relationship is with ourselves. Moreover, when we stop making excuses, we are honest with ourselves, which builds greater internal confidence. By owning our actions, we build stronger relationships with others by promoting trust and authenticity. People value honesty and are more inclined to forgive other people’s mistakes when there are no hidden agendas.
In many ways, owning our actions can lead to greater problem-solving skills. So, instead of getting stuck in our mistakes, we can focus on ways to improve, thereby finding constructive solutions to move forward. Finally, taking responsibility for our actions enhances our personal growth. By acknowledging the areas where we need improvement, we can actively work on them without defensiveness or fear.
However, when we take ownership of our actions, some obstacles will arise, and I’ll outline how to overcome them.
- Ego and Pride: Sometimes, our ego can be a barrier to owning up to our actions. This is where we can come from a place of humility because, through humility, we become more open to receiving feedback from others, thereby leading to self-improvement.
- External Blame: By blaming external factors or other people, we remain chained to these conditions because we are not taking personal responsibility for our actions but justifying them through external means. We believe we are not the source of the problem because we have deferred it to something outside of us. As explained earlier, this minimizes our self-esteem because we are not coming from a place of empowerment.
- The Fear of Failure: We needn’t stay mired in fear but learn to redefine failure as a learning experience rather than an outcome. This is where developing a Growth mindset helps us change our internal narrative from victimhood to resilience and a sense of personal agency.
Throughout this article, we’ve uncovered how justification keeps us trapped in fear and limits our potential. Taking responsibility isn’t about blaming yourself for mistakes but freeing yourself from excuses. It’s about building stronger relationships, improving self-confidence, and stepping fully into your power. Considering this, I invite you to reflect on a recent situation where you justified your actions. How could you have owned it instead? Next time you catch yourself justifying, pause, reflect, and choose ownership. You’ll find it’s a far more empowering path.
Are You Ready to Transform Your Life with Confidence?
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Tony Fahkry
Expert Life Coach
